another county heard from
by clairebare
Summary: jane will do anything for her.
1. Chapter 1

1

Pat, how could you miss that shot? He was standing right in front of you.

_Give me a break, will you? I wanted to wound him so I'd have time to savor the moment._

Well while you were savoring, he got the drop on you.

_I'll get him. I promised I'd get him and I will._

Because I cant re—

_I know you can't rest until he's dead. I know._

2

Ohh. Thank god. He's dead. That was everything I'd hoped it would be.

_That was horrible. I feel like throwing up and my hand hurts._

Well you did a good job. I like what you said. And I liked the blinking. Kind of poetic to choke the life out of him. And one-handed.

_Thanks, I guess. Do you feel better?_

Actually, I do. Wait a minute what are you doing? You're not thinking of shooting yourself?

_It did cross my mind. I have my revenge but I still don't have my family._

Uh-uh. Listen. Put the gun in his pocket, right now.

_I thought I could maybe join you wherever you are._

Join me? Where I am is like L.A., there's no there there. You're my only opportunity to experience the world. You have to stay alive.

_I thought you wanted to rest._

I do. You're going to take me to Venezuela.


	2. Chapter 2

We're going where?

_Back to the U.S. Abbott said if I work for the FBI, they will drop all charges._

But I love it here. We were always happy on the beach.

_If I stay here, I'll end up like Roger._

I love Roger. I sit at the bar and talk to him all the time.

_Like I said. I'll end up like Roger. I…I have to be with people. _

People? You mean like Teresa?

_Among others._

If it's sex you want, Pat, take off your pants and let me tell you all about my hot —

_Not the same thing._

You wanted me around to whisper in your ear when you had to make it with Lorelei.

_Yes. You talked me through that and I appreciate it. Couldn't have gotten the job done without you but—_

Now you're feeling like you want to move on?

_I think that might be healthy for both of us._

Excuse me if health is no longer an issue for me.

_You know what I mean. Charlotte gave me the impression that you wanted me to go on with my life. She thought Teresa was a good choice. _

Charlotte is a fifteen year-old girl looking to piss off her mother.

_I have to go. I want to go._

You're taking this "till death do us part" thing way too literally, Pat. I'll be at the bar with Roger. Join us when you've calmed down.


	3. Chapter 3

So basically, on the plane ride, she told you to back off?

_Well, not in so many words. She was upset because she thought I ran away from her again._

Let me get this straight. We come all the way back from Venezuela so you can be with this woman, you risk trial and imprisonment, spend three months in solitary, wangle her a prestigious job and she tells you to shove it?

_She doesn't want me making decisions for her._

You're a brilliant, beautiful wonderful man. She should thank god that someone as special as you gives a flying fuck what she does.

_Language._

Last time she made a decision, she wound up with Red John's logo painted in blood on her face. She ought to strongly consider letting you be the brains in the future.

_I owe her a lot. _

What? Red John was her case. You're the one who finally got him. It's not your fault that the CBI was so crooked. Not your fault that she lost her job.

_She stuck by me. _

Like that's such a hardship. I would give anything to have been able to stick by you those ten years.

_I know. I know you're just trying to protect me. _

I think it's time for you to join the opposition. If she wants you to back off, back way the hell off. Give her room. Let her make her own decisions. Maybe in time, she'll cobble together enough brain cells to come back to you.

_You just don't like her._

You're right. I don't like her. But that doesn't mean she's not an idiot.


	4. Chapter 4

1

A boyfriend? And she slept with him on the first date? Skank.

_Marcus Pike, the head of the art squad._

Squid face? You cannot be serious.

2

Did you know, Pat, that if you look up the term "crashing bore" in the dictionary, you get a photo of Pike?

_Lisbon seems so happy with him._

Meh. She talks a good game. She's hoping if she acts like she's happy, she'll actually start believing it herself.

_I have to respect her wishes and back off. Besides, I can't promise to give her what he's offering._

Yeah, I doubt your company could double as a sleep aid. Or that you'd pester her to talk about her feelings every five minutes.

_True. Lisbon hates to talk about her feelings and she won't get much sleep when I'm around. She'd be too nervous I'd disappear or play a trick on her. _

Not to mention, you're a little over-sexed at this point. Sorry I couldn't be here for that.

_I know._

He's like a bad romance novelist created the perfect man. Ever-attentive, omnipresent, obedient, hygienic and soporific. Wonder if she can come with him?

_Angela!_

I mean, there's no sex threat there. He's so virtuous. Like a chick with a dick. I remember that song from Carousel my mom liked.

"My mother used to say to me – when you grow up my son.

I hope you're a bum like your father was – cause a good man ain't no fun."

_I remember that. _

"_There's nothing so bad for a woman as a man who thinks he's good." _

_But Carousel was about carnies. Lisbon isn't one of us._

Yeah. But you bring out that side of her. The side she never knew she had. The fun side. The side that's not afraid to break a few rules. She likes herself better when she's with you.

_She has a weird way of showing it._


	5. Chapter 5

1

You went over there with cannoli?

_Pike answered the door. _

And you felt like-

_A schmuck. _

You've got to cut out the "I want you be happy stuff." It makes you look weak. Let him be the weak one.

_I hear you._

Also, cannoli? A tad phallic, don't you think?

_I don't know if she picked up on that. But I hope he did. _

2

He proposed? The guy can't get out of his own way, can he?

_Nope._

And now, we can sit back and watch him self-destruct. You called it, Pat.

_She can't bring herself to tell me she's leaving._

Because she doesn't want to go. How could anyone choose him over you?

_I haven't given her that choice._

So you're running out the clock?

_What?_

Brinksmanship. And maybe, mutually assured destruction.

_I've got it under control. _


	6. Chapter 6

_So, here's my question, Angie. Are you OK with me being with her?_

You know I don't think she's good enough for you.

_So I shouldn't look to you for counsel and advice? You don't want it to happen?_

I want you to be happy. I'll always help you. But it's hard for me to see what you see. You were my husband. I adored you. Even when you drove me crazy, I loved you. I knew exactly how special you were. She seems to lose touch with that at the drop of a hat. That makes me think she's not too bright.

_She's smart. Just in a different way than you and me. _

If she were smart, she never would have gotten so huffy on that airplane. She forbade you to influence her. The smartest guy she knows and she doesn't want to know what you think.

_She doesn't want me to think for her. _

Fine. But she herself shows no evidence of thinking. She's basically choosing this guy because he asked.

_She wants to be chased. _

I was the one who chased you.

_That's true. And I didn't want that. I was playing the field. _

But I made up my mind I was going to get you. I wouldn't take no for an answer. And you told me no three times.

_And each time I did, you'd say, "I don't like that answer. Give me a better one." That was great. _

Well, Pat, you like when someone gets all authoritarian on you.

_I liked it when you did it. _

And you admitted it. She doesn't know herself. Doesn't know what she wants. So she makes up silly rules for herself and for you. Tells you to butt out and then acts pissed that you have. If you really want her, let her stew.

_So say nothing?_

In any situation, saying nothing is a very smart option. She doesn't know that. She's immature. She's had no experience in relationships. Probably only read about them in romance novels. So she's trying to be a big girl making a big statement. "Look at me, Patrick, I'm going off with the perfect man." He's an utter douche to anyone with a brain.

_He's not a douche to her._

And that doesn't lower your opinion of her?


	7. Chapter 7

_Where've you been? _

With Lisbon.

_What? _

Yes. I came to her in a dream.

_That's fucked up, Angie. And a little rude._

One good thing about my present state is I no longer have to live by Miss Manners' rulebook, Patrick. I didn't mess with her or anything. I just straightened her out a little.

_So she dreamed about you?_

No, she dreamed about herself only smarter.

_Not nice. _

I reminded her.

_What?_

Of why she loves you.

_Like what?_

Like how touched she was by your determination to find Red John when she met you. How beautiful you always looked asleep on your couch. How proud she was when you made fools of smug criminals. How special she felt when you began to confide in her. And when you plucked her out of obscurity in Cannon River, how protected she felt by your power.

_She felt protected. There's where I really fucked up. She liked that for about three-fifths of a second. Smash cut to her blasting me on the airplane. _

Exactly. You said you'd always save her, Pat. And you did. Everything she'd worked for went to hell. The little frog fell down the well. And you scooped her up and placed her back in the garden.

_And that scared the crap out of her. Being helped made her feel helpless. And that made her mad. _

Even Lisbon needs a hero, Pat.

_Kind of tough when she can ride harder, shoot straighter and take a punch better than anyone. _

So being her hero requires another set of skills. Skills only you have.

_You reminded her of all this? _

During her first 5 REM cycles.

_Wow. You covered a lot of ground._

Want to know what I reminded her of in her final REM cycle?

_You're going to tell me anyway. _

I reminded her of how wonderful it is to plunge her fingers into the thick curls at the back of your head.

_How could you remind her? We've never touched each other. _

OK. So I couldn't resist. I appeared as myself and told her she was a fucking fool to miss out on a handful of you. Let's just say, she woke up with an attitude adjustment.

_It's too late. She's leaving as we speak._

Well, she's not gone yet. Besides…

_What?_

The planes that fly to DC?

_Yes?_

They have a funny habit of turning around and flying back here.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hey._

Hey yourself.

_OK, out with it, Angie. What did you think?_

Not your suavest moment, I have to say.

_The airplane encounter? I agree. But it all worked out._

There is that. But I keep reliving the image of your nose dripping on everyone in row 12. And that limp. Like an old Jerry Lewis film with him yelling "Young lady, pretty lady." Remember how he walks on his ankles chasing women?

_Go easy. I admit it wasn't my best look._

You were actually preparing to seduce her over a meal before your plans got thrown in the air, weren't you?

_OK, you got me. Yes, I decided that the sophomoric has its uses._

Plus adjoining rooms and three well-chosen dresses. When a lady accepts items of attire from a gentleman, things have gone way beyond friends. Was she brought up by wolves? She didn't understand that when she slipped into that dress that she crossed a line? She agreed to be courted?

_That's kind of nineteenth century, isn't it?_

Don't knock it. Jane Austen has become one of my closest friends.

_I suppose Lisbon must have known a declaration was coming on some level. _

Like if she were in a coma, that would be a level where she'd have an excuse not to know. And then the thing with the robe. I know she was mad at being manipulated. But she loves you. And she could see that the room and the dresses and the dinner were heading someplace she might find very interesting.

_But I did mess with her mind and make her postpone D.C. She reacted to that. _

Pfff. You saved her from a fate worse than death and she knew it. I don't see why she didn't just tell you she loved you years ago.

_Is that what you would have done?_

Sure. When you started at the FBI, she could have told you she was interested in you as a man and that whenever you were ready, she'd be around unless someone she wanted more came along.

_I would have been shocked and scared._

For about fifteen minutes.

_Then I probably would have jumped her. _

Exactly. Instead she has a month-long tantrum, acts nasty and childish to her best friend and rubs her cloying boyfriend in his face.

_But Pike is a nice-_

Pike looked good on paper. But he couldn't compare to you, my perfect blond god. She was kidding herself from the start.

_I hoped she would come to that realization._

You cut it close time-wise.

_Yeah, well the robe thing messed everything up. _

You were pretty lame standing outside that hotel room getting hammered by her.

_Hey, I thought I was the perfect blond god and nothing compared to me. _

At that moment you were incomparably dumb. You should have told her then.

_She was mad. _

She cut off her nose to spite her face. She got right on the phone and accepted Pike's proposal.

_Really? She hasn't mentioned that. _

If I were Teresa, I sure wouldn't. That was bush league. Embarrassing. It might make you take back what you said.

_Not happening._

Of course then the whole evening devolved into a romantic comedy by the numbers. Teresa runs off and hijinks ensue. You get drunk, you drive a car with a siren to the airport, then jump the fence, make your big confession to a planeload of people and get dragged off by the air marshalls. The only thing you didn't do last night was toss Jennifer Aniston into the trunk of a car.

_Ouch._

And what's the deal with Abbott? When did he turn into a woman? And how come Cho is suddenly dumber than Rigsby?

_Beats the shit out of me. _

The only thing that kept it from being a romantic comedy was that it wasn't at all funny.

_That it wasn't._

But I liked that she came back to the jail. I liked her attitude. It made me remember why you liked her in the first place.

_So you forgive her?_

Fuck no.


End file.
